“Being a dancer, being the real me”

Her name is Ni Made Desa Perwani, or familiarly called Tutut, a Balinese woman who was born in the night before the full moon. 

For @tutut_perwani, just like for many other married women in general, everyday is a busy day. 

Waking up on 5 a.m, going to the market, cooking breakfast for her husband, children and the whole family, are parts of her morning routine. 

She also has a daily task in relation to her role as a Balinese Hindu woman: preparing canang and bebanten (offerings for the deities), in the hope for divine blessings. 

In preparing the offerings, she always adds a pinch of her cooking, as it is believed to bring blessings for the family.      

“Being a Balinese woman, for the unmarried, is easier. It’s like a common happy-go-lucky life of young people. But once a Balinese woman gets married, she will face the real challenges of life,” Tutut said. 

That is why, she explains, for a Balinese woman, a marriage means a ceremony to say goodbye to her family, as well as to the spirits of the ancestors in the family’s shrines. 

“It’s a very sad moment. It’s like letting go of a life that we have been living for so long.”

Tutut got married eight years ago. “I am from sudra caste (the lowest one), while my husband and his family is from a higher caste. It was difficult for me to adapt in the beginning. I felt bashful to be called ‘jero’, or someone who has the responsibility to serve for the temple.”

Every morning at around 8.30, she has managed to finish all the housework and family matters. She then gets ready to go to work. Sometimes she has to go to the temple in the afternoon to prepare for a ceremony. 

At night, she comes home as her family awaits, takes a rest and gets ready for another busy day tomorrow. 

“I have no time for myself,” she said. 

Luckily, her office @threadoflife provides a yoga and reiki class for employees. 

“Joining the yoga class is my kind of me-time, a quality time for myself, a time for me to breath and take a break from the whole routine.” 

Tutut fully understands that it is not easy being a Balinese woman.

“The spirit of my great grandmother once appeared in a ritual. She was asking for permission, saying that she would not possess in a woman’s body, because it’s difficult,” she said, chuckling.

Unlike the great grandmother, she said, ”I enjoy being a Balinese woman, although it’s hard. My family is my source of energy.”

In that Saturday afternoon, Tutut performed a Legong Dance at the Ubud Temple. 

“I have been fond of dance since I was a teenager. Now I am 37 years old, and I want to keep dancing.”

She put on her make-up, getting dressed in her awesome dance costume, then performed on stage under the spotlight, witnessed by hundreds of people. 

Tutut always finds solace in dancing.  

 “This is the moment that I have always been waiting for. The moment when I can be myself.” 

PUBLISHED BY Puan Indonesia
Go Top