Note: No elephant was killed or harmed for this photo, guys. These ivories are the ancient collection that has been passed through from generation to generation.
Dette, The Woman, and The Ivory.
Dette Deram is clearly no ordinary woman. For me, Dette is a symbol of strength, bravery, and compassion.
She grew up watching so many women in NTT left by their husbands to remarry. Äs long as you have ivory for the dowry, men are free to remarry. Some have five wives.”Tradition and local custom, unfortunately, has enabled the practice of polygamy. “The capability to support the wife, materially and immaterially, was never the consideration in polygamy practices here. Women must oblige.” Those who do not approve will be left as widows.
As a result, the number of widows in NTT is relatively high. Most of them are unregistered legally because since the beginning of the process it was only a traditional wedding. Divorce, obviously put women in an unfortunate position. They have to bear the cost of raising children, not to mention the expenses of various traditional ceremonies. “The expenses for traditional ceremonies are quite high. For instance, to contribute a pig or goat for a wedding or funeral.”
Concerned with the situation faced by women in NTT, Dette deliberately stays single. She refused to get married. She does not care about what people say. “I would rather put my energy and mind towards helping ina (women) in NTT. We will keep empowering (each other).”
After graduated from the Faculty of Agriculture at University of Cendana in 1992, Dette was offered a job as a civil servant. “All I had to do was go to the interview and they will accept me immediately.” But Dette rejected the offer. She chose to do groundwork together with the women from Lamaholot tribe, in Lembata and Adonara.
Her choice to stay single brought consequences. No men came to her with ivory as dowry to propose. Ivory is a precious treasure for a family, something that someday will be used as dowry when the men in the family are about to propose to marry a woman.
Did not want to disappoint her parents, Dette started saving money. She was planning to buy her own ivory. “Even if I had to get it by loan, it is okay.” in 2004, her wish came true. She bought one-meter long ivory, worth of Rp. 75 million. “I was so relieved because this house has ivory now.” No one ever said anything about her unmarried status anymore since.
